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Hazle Township, PA 18202
(570) 450-7830

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Friday, March 26, 2010

MIBG SCAN Not the News we wanted

You would never know by looking at my child, other then the semi-bald head that she isnt healthy but today we were told she has spots on her liver which could mean the cancer is back.This is every parents worst nightmare, relapse. We were told there was a 90 percent chance she was in remission because her last 2 CT scans were clear and not to worry about the MIBG because if the CT is clear the MIBG is usually clear and she would be in remission. YEAH RIGHT!!! As an NB Mom or any Mom of a child with a life threatening disease You NEVER stop thinking in the back of your head that things can come crashing down in an instant. Today we were expecting to hear N.E.D. and instead we heard Liver Lesions(or howerver you spell it) and in an instant everything changed, all the Fear of the last year came rushing back and when i looked at my child, just for a minute i lost the faith that has been keeping me standing. I lost the faith to believe that this was NOTHING that just because there is a spot doesnt mean its Cancer, I lost the faith to believe that God is going to get her through this and i was SO DAMN ANGRY AT GOD FOR NOT KEEPING HER SAFE!!!! Uggh i know that this horrible disease is not anyones fault it's just something that happens, but that is so much easier to rationalize when its not Your Child!!! I cant let my baby see me cry because then she worries and im supposed to be strong for her, but it is so hard to be strong all the time. We have so many friends and family praying for her and pulling for her that she just has to beat this is what i tell myself, that with so many prayers how can god not hear us and heal her?? And yet while im having those thoughts i also think about all the NB Angel's god has given wings in the last year, and then i try not to crumble all over again. I know every child is different and every case is diferent, logically i know that, but my heart and my head are so not working together right now. My heart is terrified that i will lose her, my head says dont worry she will be fine, which one do i listen to?? I wish someone out there could help me understand why this nasty disease called Cancer is in our world AND why if children are innocent and without sin do they get cancer and die?? Ok i guess i need to stop feeling sorry for myself and realize my child is healthy today and this could be nothing and start doing something to make myself feel better....thank you all for your prayers:) I am attaching a picture of Audrianna and one of her best friends Emily Donovan who had her last chemo yesterday and also needs prayers to make sure her MRI comes back clear next month!!!!


  1. I am so sorry to hear this. We too have had some bad news. Katie's MIBG came back with more spots on her bones...we are trying to regroup. I too feel very upset and frustrated...but I would like to say children are not without sin. The bible says that we are all born into this world with sin. That being said...Audri and others, including Katie, do NOT have cancer because of their sin or ours...I know that there is a plan in all of this...I just wish God would share it with all of us mothers! I will keep you in my prayers. Try to enjoy your weekend...even though I know it will be hard...

  2. First let me say I am in love with your daughter, she is absolutely beautiful and I pray for her all day. I don't have anyone in my family who has been affected by cancer but after learning of Layla Grace I was horrified by all of the babies fighting this battle with their families. I have always stood strong in my faith in God until Layla passed, I can truly say it was the first time in my life that I doubted God. Even after I lost a baby 11 years ago I didn't doubt Him, but now it's seems so much bigger, there are so many fighting for their lives. I can't imagine what your family is going through but I've decided for now, in my journey with God to hold on and keep praying for these babies because even though I don't have children with cancer, I am so extremely pissed off and don't know where else to turn. All of the stories I read, they all point to Sloan-Kettering in NY, is it possible for you guys to get there? I know Audri can beat this and I am thinking happy, positive thought for her.

    Love from Houston, TX

  3. Michelle,
    Thank You for caring about my daughter. Sadly the news we got today was that she has relapsed:(
    The doctors found 2 new tumors one in her liver and one around her vena cava:( Now its a wait and see where they are going to send her and what type of therapy. We are in the hospital for the next week and i cant get on facebook but ill be updating this as much as i can.

  4. ITS Reanne Madacyn's mommy---PRAYER PRAYERS & MORE PRAYERS!!!!~~~~~
    thinkin about u....totally devestated
    HOPE IS STILL AN OPTION.....she will be OK
    she has to be: I have the word out on facebook 2 all my friends and family.......PLEASE try your hardest to keep strong..i understand no matter how much were there for you or talk to you nothin is goin to make you feel much better but i really care and im sendin my number in you in box stay strong i'll see you tomorrow!!!!!

  5. omg i am so sorry i will pray for her my friend just sent me to be a part of this group and i had to read more i hope she feels alot better