All Donations goto Audrianna's Butterfly Garden and to help start the Audrianna's Foundation
Hazle Township, PA 18202
Saturday, April 22, 2017
Hi Baby...Its been a while since mommy posted here but its not because i dont miss you, its because i miss you so much it hurts to post all the time and pour my heart out. But its that time of year again where the pain starts and gets bad . I cant believe its been 8yrs since that first Easter when you were diagnosed with Neuroblastoma and i thought i had heard the worst words of my life... Your Child has Cancer...but they werent the worst words, no those words would come later and in different forms like...Your Child Needs to go home on Hospice and then Your Child has no options left and then Your Child is going to Die. Nobody understands just how awful this journey is until they live it and NOBODY comes back out of it as a whole person ,how could they when half their heart is gone. I have been working and keeping busy so i dont have to try and think to hard about you not being here as the holidays come and go, so i dont have to miss you as much everytime your beautiful sister hits a milestone that you will never hit. Your birthday is coming and you would be turning 11 and probably getting boy crazy and telling me you hate me when you didnt like my answers to things and yet i never get to expreience any of that with you, i dont get to take you to pick out a dress for a school dance, talk to you about how the high heels you want are way to high for an 11yr old , talk to you about your first kiss and begging you not to kiss boys till your 30, No i dont get any of that because Cancer Stole that from Us. I wish you were here to help your sister, she is so lost without you egging her on, you always were the one to say come on Kyra you can do it and she would follow you blindly...now she is araid to do anything because she doesnt have you pushing her not to be afraid. I wish you were here for poppa john and nana to hug them and make poppa john cook for you and nana make you hats. I wish you were in my arms and snuggling with me, but no matter how much i wish these things they will never happen because Cancer stole you away and we can never get any of that back. We miss you baby and i just wanted to let you know that you havent been forgotten, sometimes its just to hard to put these things into words without sounding crazy....Love You Baby Girl, Keep Sparkling and Ruling Heaven with Your Smile and Your Glitter , Love Mommy
Saturday, September 17, 2016
Friday, May 6, 2016
Ten Years ago today I was laying in a hospital bed hoping you would decide to hold on and stay in my belly for a little while longer because it was just to soon for you to be born. My parents had left and I was watching tv when the nurses came in all worried because your heartrate wasn't moving like it should, the doc came in and told me that he felt you were in distress and I needed an emergency C-section right away.Thinking I had time for nana and daddy to get to me I called them and told them to hurry because I was scared,i was only 29 1/2 weeks pregnant BUT you didn't want to stay in and be warm and safe you wanted to rush out and meet the world screaming and that's exactly what you did and it was just me and you because they missed your birth by 10 minutes. You were so tiny 2lbs 13oz 15inches long...the smallest baby I had ever seen but you had the lungs of a sailor and the farts of a trucker!!!! I was never so scared or happy in my life you were my mothers day baby and the best gift I have ever received, you spent the next 8 1/2 weeks in that hospital fighting to come home. It seems to me that you spent 90percent of your life in hospitals, first you were a preemie and then you got cancer,we had maybe 1 1/2 years of your life that you weren't in and out of hospitals all the time. You should be here today celebrating your first double digit milestone but instead your sitting in an urn on a shelf because your life was cut tragically short.You My Beautiful Audrianna were so brave and so fearless and you brought a smile to everyone you met. You touched so many lives in your short dash.
Saturday, November 15, 2014
Hi Baby....So sissy has been having problems with her tonsils and Adenoids just like you did and she had to have surgery to have them removed. We took her to Danville and Had your favorite ENT Dr.Helwig and then stayed the night on childrens 3 with some of our favorite nurses(Tom and Joe had the first shift with us and I know you were smiling for that) It was very hard for Daddy to goto the hospital for sissy's apt with dr helwig and it was VERY HARD for mommy, sissy and nana to be there without you.Was very hard staying overnight in YOUR Hospital but also kinda felt like going home too, I have missed all the friends that we made along our journey, the nurses and docs that became such a big part of our family. Mommy did ok being there till a few things happened in a row....1st things was Pet therapy and you know Kyra loves those dog visits as much as you did...2nd was Kyra wanted to goto the playroom and sitting there at the table watching her was like looking in a mirror at you and my heart hurt so bad for both of you...3rd was having to hold kyra down to get an IV taken out, omg it was horrible and once she fell asleep mommy kinda cracked up and couldnt stop crying till i called a friend who talked me though it....It was very hard being where my oldest daughter took her last breathe with my younger daughter being sick....BUT I requested we be on CH3 and at Geisinger because I knew the docs and nurses there would take care of Kyra better then any docs or nurses anywhere else because to them she is FAMILY....she is the baby they remember toddling down the hallways after you and your IV Pole,the baby that grew up there right in front of them and None of them could believe how big she got or how much she reminded them of you(she even woke up at 1am when Misty did her vitals and then was dancing in the hallway when she wanted to goto the kitchen for chocolate milk,it was like DEJAVU)......Sissy is still recovering and feeling icky from her surgery but we are hoping she feels better in a few days.She couldn't wait to leave the hospital and go home to be with Geena(who she takes care of very well because she was BOTH of yours) So now we are home and she is snuggled with Your Puppy(Geena)and watching movies on the kindle till she starts to feel better and let me tell ya she is a bad patient lol she hates taking oral meds(like you did)even though I tell her its gonna make her throat better she cries and cries but eventually does it even if I had to bribe her with something she wants to get her to do it(with you it was shoes as a bribe,with Kyra its dolls or stuffed cats) and even though I know bribing isn't the best way to handle the meltdowns I also know its the only way I can keep my sanity......well baby watch over sissy for me and help her feel better and ill talk to you soon xoxoxo Love Always...Mommy
Monday, November 3, 2014
Hi Baby...so we just had our 2nd Halloween without you and it just isn't the same no matter how hard I try to make it that way.....This is the 2nd year your sister has said to me...Mommy what do you think Audri would have wanted to be for Halloween and we played the game of what you would have been and we settled on Elsa because you always had to be the Queen!!!!! Sissy was a Tigress because she loves cats so much and has always been our Kitty(some days she is good kitty and other days she is bad kitty) and of course Rhianna was with us and she was a Girl Cheeta.....