All Donations goto Audrianna's Butterfly Garden and to help start the Audrianna's Foundation

Savings Account for Audrianna where donations can be Made
M&T Bank
50 Laurel Mall
Hazle Township, PA 18202
(570) 450-7830

F*CK CANCER T-Shirts can be purchased for $18 with shipping for sizes s-xxl and $20 for 3x or 4x just click the paypal button!

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Missing The Half of My Heart thats in Heaven

Hi Baby...Its been a while since mommy posted here but its not because i dont miss you, its because i miss you so much it hurts to post all the time and pour my heart out. But its that time of year again where the pain starts and gets bad . I cant believe its been 8yrs since that first Easter when you were diagnosed with Neuroblastoma and i thought i had heard the worst words of my life... Your Child has Cancer...but they werent the worst words, no those words would come later and in different forms like...Your Child Needs to go home on Hospice and then Your Child has no options left and then Your Child is going to Die. Nobody understands just how awful this journey is until they live it and NOBODY comes back out of it as a whole person ,how could they when half their heart is gone. I have been working and keeping busy so i dont have to try and think to hard about you not being here as the holidays come and go, so i dont have to miss you as much everytime your beautiful sister hits a milestone that you will never hit. Your birthday is coming and you would be turning 11 and probably getting boy crazy and telling me you hate me when you didnt like my answers to things and yet i never get to expreience any of that with you, i dont get to take you to pick out a dress for a school dance, talk to you about how the high heels you want are way to high for an 11yr old , talk to you about your first kiss and begging you not to kiss boys till your 30, No i dont get any of that because Cancer Stole that from Us. I wish you were here to help your sister, she is so lost without you egging her on, you always were the one to say come on Kyra you can do it and she would follow you she is araid to do anything because she doesnt have you pushing her not to be afraid. I wish you were here for poppa john and nana to hug them and make poppa john cook for you and nana make you hats. I wish you were in my arms and snuggling with me, but no matter how much i wish these things they will never happen because Cancer stole you away and we can never get any of that back. We miss you baby and i just wanted to let you know that you havent been forgotten, sometimes its just to hard to put these things into words without sounding crazy....Love You Baby Girl, Keep Sparkling and Ruling Heaven with Your Smile and Your Glitter , Love Mommy