Tonight i had to have the hardest conversation of my life with a 3yr old and a 5yr old. Tonight i sat both girls down and explained to them that Audrianna was either going to have surgery or start chemo next week and that Kyra wouldnt be able to stay at the hospital with us. Audrianna wanted to know if it was going to be Good Chemo(one that doesnt make her hair fall out) or Bad Chemo(one that makes her lose her hair again) And Kyra wanted to know why she couldnt get Chemo to so she could be with her sister-:( Audrianna and I both tried to explain to Kyra she didnt want to have to get chemo because its Yucky and makes you sick, but all Kyra cared about was that if she got chemo too she wouldnt have to be seperated from Audrianna-:( And then when i told her she could come to the hospital as much as possible to visit and we could go on webcam everynight she cried and cried im gonna miss my sister,over and over. My heart is Broken in a thousand pieces right now....Audrianna is 5 and was hugging her sister and reassuring her they were never gonna be apart long and she would always love her sister and come home after chemo!!!!!!!!! Kyra is 3 and couldnt understand why she cant sleep in audrianna's room at the hospital and make her sister feel better.
Im 39 and i dont understand why this is happening sooooo i can imagine how hard it was for my 3yr old to understand....I HATE CANCER,GODDAMMIT WHY CANT IT LEAVE MY BABIES ALONE!!!!!!!!! I have never been more sad or angry in my life. I am so tired of being scared and i know audrianna is too and now Kyra who was to small the first time has to live with that Fear and Sadness too. I really wish i would wake up and this would have all been a bad dream.....but if wishes were rainbows right?