Lonely Nights

Hi Baby....I miss you so much and the nights are the worst...once the house is quiet and there is nothing to keep my mind busy all i do is think of you and miss you...During the day i try to keep busy..i take care of sissy, take her on play dates..today we went to clim-a-lot with Michelle and Ali and the girls had such a good time,everytime i saw them laugh or smile i thought Audrianna would have loved this and she would have loved Ali(kyra's new friend)i tried really hard not to be sad and i put on my smile for everyone..we even went out for pizza afterwards and the girls had a good time,so did mommy but i just felt like there was a missing empty seat the whole time and there was because you werent there...Now Kyra is spending the night over Nicole's House with Morganna and i am here all alone and the house is so quiet and i am so lost...i tried laying there watching tv and hoping to fall asleep but it didnt happen....tomorrow the house will be even quieter for a while because Dustin is leaving for rehab...he decided he needs to get better and do something with his life so he is going to rehab and then hoping to join the military...he wants to make YOU proud baby...he misses you so much and he tries not to show it because ya know he is big tough boy..but his heart is broken, he misses his brat,he misses you asking him to cook him stuff and get you drinks in the middle of the night because you were both such night owls...he never says it but i know how much he misses you and he hurts without you...Geena has taken to sleeping with Dustin because she misses you so much..she runs in your room and over to where your bed was(kyra's bed is there now) and she jumps on the bed and howls because your not there, then she runs to dustins room for comfort and now dustin is leaving too for a while...poor geena i think she will be as lost and lonely as mommy is...I am so Proud of Dustin for trying to get his act together and hoping and praying with all that i am that he can do this..for himself....Kyra is having a hard time, she is so lonely without you,she misses snuggling in bed with you,playing dolls or just watching tv with her sister...she talks about you evernight and tells me how sad she is that your in heave...she says mommy do you know who i miss and I always say who baby and she says Audri...i wish Audri would come home and i say me too baby me too....there is so much heartache right now,we are all trying so hard to go on without you but the pain is some days unbearable....Daddy went to Indiana for a few days to see Larry because he needed to get out of the house...Uncle Denny mopes around because he misses you so bad,he snuggles your pennstate pillow pet everynight and hugs geena alot because he loves her too...it's almost Easter and Mommy is having a very hard time,i bought Kyra an Easter Dress and all i could think is im not buying you one,that i will never see you pretty in pink again...it took all that i had to buy her dress and easter basket because i wasnt buying 2.....but i did it because Kyra needs to celebrate easter and not be forgotten and even if i just want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head i cant because your sister needs me...Someday Kyra will read back over these blogs when she is older and realize how much i loved you both...Because sometimes i think she thinks i loved you more and thats not the case i have always loved you both equally and with all my heart...if i didnt id have never been able to go on when you died baby...if it wasnt for Kyra id have laid down and died with you of a broken heart,but i knew my other baby needed me to stand up and go home and be with her...and we will get through our broken hearts together....everyone is trying to help Kyra cope...Nana and Poppa John have been there for her as they always are and helped her alot,PoppyO takes her shopping with the boys on thursdays,Bret and Lizzie took her to NJ where she spent the night at Lizzie's house, played with the dogs and then went to the aquarium which she loved...Dustin has been super nice to her...she has gone to Katie and Anthony's to play with Jessica Alot,and Morganna has been a very good friend to her,Aunt Anna and Hope have been there alot for Kyra and made sure she gets to Dance when mommy just cant get out of bed...I am so thankfull to the people that have stepped up to show Kyra she is still loved and i might not be able to say that to them without crying right now but i hope they all know that i appreciate everything they have done.....while im still falling apart and trying to find my way without you other people have stepped up to help show your sister she is Loved.....The Bounce place helped give her an awesome monster high birthday party, jamie and dakpta of course helped make that very special......I just want you to know sissy is Ok, she is sad but ok....I know im rambling baby but these are all the thoughts jumbled in my head that i would have normally talked to you about You were always my best friend,we would sit up together at night and talk about anything and everything and even though you were physically a 6yr old you were such an old soul and you always knew what to say...if Kyra was acting out you would say Mom she is just a kid she doesnt mean it...if something got broken i would hear MOM it was just an accident we didnt mean it lol you always had an answer for everything and god i miss that...YOU always stuck up for your lil sister too...if daddy or anyone was Yelling at Kyra you would get so Mad and say Leave My sister alone she is just a baby or just a kid she doesnt understand and you would stomp your lil foot...you and daddy used to get in yelling matches because you would stomp your foot,put your hand on your hip and say Dad,leave my sister alone she is just a kid sheesh and he would say Audrianna dont you stomp your foot at me and mommy would sit there snickering and trying to hide my smile because you were so serious and who could stay mad at that face...Not Me thats for sure....now Mommy sticks up for kyra the way you used to because your not here...but she told me she needs a new sister to do that for her...i told her that Emille volunteers to be her big sister because mommy isnt having anymore babies....Please have the angel's watch over Emilee baby she is in the hospital and needs alot of angel power right now....well i better let you go back to sparkling your angel dust on people who need it...I love You Baby!!!!!