Audrianna passed away peacefully in my arms at 545pm friday febuary 15th after a very long hard fight. Her poor little body couldnt take anymore,she didnt want to go believe me she was fighting so hard to stay,kept saying mom and i love you untill she couldnt talk anymore and her breathing got labored and then her heart stopped beating...this is the reality of pediatric cancer that no parent should ever have to suffer....even worse was after and still now i hurt so bad i want to die i want to lay down and never wake up. I had to watch the funeral home zip my baby into a bag last night A FUCKING BAG i have never felt more helpless or more alone then in right that second...rationally i knew she was already playing with the Angel's who were waiting for her...Kelly,Tanner,Emily,Hudson,Kelsey,Ashley and so many others but i wasnt rational and all i could think is she is gonna be alone and cold and i have never left her before not once in her whole life how do i leave her now, just how.After i let them take her and we left the hospital, i couldnt get off the elevator, i felt like if i did id be admitting she was gone and i wasnt ready to admit that, my parents had to peel me off the floor because i couldnt do it alone.I came home and slept in her bed last night,with her teddy bear and her pillow and blanket because it smells like her and again today i need to call and tell them to come take her bed away because its a hospital bed on rental so thats just one more piece of her im losing...i feel like my heart is in so many pieces i will never be able to pick it up again and i dont know how to keep breathing without her.I am leaving in 2hours to go setup to have my child creamated and pickout an urn, yet another thing nobody should have to do for there 6yr old....FUCK YOU CANCER!
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I am so sorry I also know how its like to lose a child...
ReplyDeleteShe is a very beautiful angel now and she has already earned her wings for all that she has done to help other children. She is there with u in this hard time to she will guide u thru it.
ReplyDeleteMy heart is with you today. I will never say I know how you feel. Cancer did take my daughter Lori when she was two n a half yrs young.you are right NO child or family should EVER have to face this reality. How do we go on? One second @ a time. No 12 step program for grief. We just do and somedays we don't. Our hearts are with you and your family. Audrianna touched my life and you and the whole family. I want you to know that. Hugs and love from myself n the entire fam. From s. Fla. Xoxoxo
ReplyDeleteThe koenigs...Lin.Jim. n kids
ReplyDeletei am so sorry you have to deal with this i wish i could take your pain away cancer sucks and so does the fact they couldnt fix her i wish with every breath you take you can find peace she is a sweet girl that has givin you 6 years of love joy and happiness just because some one else said she had to go doesnt mean she will not be with you in yuor heart mind and body she is with you now and forever rest easy baby girl you will be greatly missed lots of love at this time from the travis family
ReplyDeleteNo parent should ever have to go through what you have. No child should ever have to go through what your precious angel did. Both of you went through this with such determination and courage that you have shown all of us that you have let into your lives and I thank you. Even though you know she is at peace, no longer in pain, and living her eternity as an angel, it doesn't make it easier on you right now. She gave us a glimpse of what an angel looks like. Please know prayers for strength coming your way.
ReplyDeleteOh Angie, I wish I had the words to make this all just go away.I wish we could all wake up from this horrible nightmare.This is so NOT right. I will not even claim to know how you feel...I do not. I also pray I never will. I am so sorry. Let no one tell you how or when to grieve, no one else knows your journey.But know Audrianna touched many lives and you have many people to reach out to, who will just listen. Let your friends be there for you,we do not want you to try to go through this alone.
ReplyDeleteMuch love
Jami Thomas
My condolences to you and your family. F*UCK cANCER!!!
ReplyDeleteI am extremely sorry for your loss. I cant even begin to imagine your pain. No one should ever have to go through that. Just keep reminding yourself that she has a lot of friends up there, and she is at peace where she can play all day. And please take care of yourself and the rest of your family. I never met Audrianna, but I followed her page for a while. My sister and I would cry and cry for her.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you all. My prayers are with you.
I AM SO VERY SORRY FOR THE LOSS OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL ANGEL DAUGHTER. SHE WILL FOREVER BE YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL WHO WILL ALWAYS LOOK OVER YOU AND PROTECT YOU. REMEMBER YOU CAN ALWAYS TALK TO HER FOR SHE IS THERE IN SPIRIT AND SHE WILL WIPE YOUR TEARS AS THEY FLOW BUT SHE WILL ALWAYS BE THERE. I WISH I COULD TAKE YOUR PAIN AWAY.
ReplyDeleteCONNIE LLOYD FRANKLINTON, LOUISIANA
Sis, I am So SO Sorry, Aurdi will forever be remember. This is all so Unfair !!
ReplyDeleteI am Sorry you are in so much Pain & wish there was something I could do to help you deal with this, , Just remember you have Lots of people that care about you (ME) & remember if/when you need to start yelling & screaming to help get some of this off your chest, You have my number, Remember you have another baby who I am sure is Very confused right now & wondering where her big sister is, She will need her mommy now more then ever,She will need Lots of love & support getting through this, I Love you & do hope if you need Anything that I can help with Please let me know,,
Love you Mary XOXO
My eyes are filled with tears I am so sorry yes "FUCK CANCER" I just cannot imagine the loss and broken heart you and yours are having right now. You sweet Audrianna was such a beautiful little girl, with a sweetest smile ever she will always be in my heart. oxox, Diane
ReplyDeleteMy prayers are with you every day. I have no idea the pain you are going through but I pray for strength and peace for you and your whole family and those close to Audrianna.
ReplyDeleteAngela,
ReplyDeleteYou have been my pen pal and encouragement in my life for almost 5 years now since my brother passed away tragically in the car accident only four days after he left us in "Florida" for my son's graduation. With everything that went on in your life, you still managed to comment, help, and pray for those around you handling hardships. I dont know how you did it. You have become a wonderful friend, one I never want to lose. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through. I have no words of comfort, except how much that little Audrianna has carved an outpouring of love on my heart forever.
Because of her, so many people have been touched that would never have if it werent for her. Keep strong my dear friend and know in the silence when you are the most sad and lonely, you may call on me no matter what the hour...
You have got a friend for life.
I am so sorry for your loss...I have lost my father and mother in law to cancer and it is never easy...my heart is breaking for you and your family right now but know that you all are in our thoughts and prayers. Stay strong and know that Audrina is in Heaven with all the other Angels and she is cancer free and healthy and that one day you will all see her again. I tell myself that everyday.
ReplyDeleteAngela, you don't know me but you met my niece last year...Annie Higgins. I first want you to know how sorry I am about the losses of your Angel. I lost my son at 19 from this monster and no matter what age they leave us it is not easy. I did exactly what you are doing...slept on his bed in his tshirts and still look for things that may remind me of him. That is all part of the healing process. It is ok to be mad and yell and throw things as long as that does not encompass your whole existence. I promise you it will get easier as God puts that loving blanket over the pain. Will you get "over it" ? Never and don't let anyone make you think that. When you get time to yourself I suggest you find a warm comfortable quiet place, take a blanket of your daughters and curl up in the silence. Give it up to God. Tell him EVERYTHING then just listen. He knows and hears you. Sometimes I have heard His voice and others I have felt the pain just lift up as if it was smoke. Hhis answers are not always what we want to hear but what we NEED to hear. I also want to let me know I am here to talk to you any time you need to talk. Annie has my number or send me an email and I will give it to you ( a bit less public). I would love to hear about your princess and am a great listener
ReplyDeleteMe again... Jennie.roach@att.net. My email for you.
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