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Thursday, August 26, 2010

Bad Day for Mommy

Some days its just really hard to be a mom and thats for any mom not just me. BUT when your a mom with a sick child and a healthy child who is always fighting for attention because the sick child gets alot and they want what she has, some days its so hard to just not sit down wherever you are and just cry and never be able to stop.Audrianna is so spoiled from being sick because its just been her and me for so long that now she doesnt want to share me with her sister and poor Kyra has been left behind for so long that all she wants is the same amount of attention from mommy that her sister gets and its really hard to have them fighting all the time and not lose my mind.AND its really hard when ppl get mad at me because i give into audrianna when she cries just so i can stop her from crying or because i cant handle the tears anymore,but nobody else has to live in my shoes and nobody else has to deal with it day in and day out everyday. I feel like i cant take my children anywhere sometimes without people looking down on me because of how they behave and im always being told NOT TO SPOIL THEM but omg my child has Cancer, which may or may not be terminal how do i not spoil her?? What if tomorrow she isnt here and all i can think of is the things i didnt give her? And i know i spoil Kyra too because i dont want her to be left out and uugggh sorry its just been a rough day.Can my kids be bad...YESSSSSSSSS....But are they 2 and it there job to be whiny and cranky and spoiled and fight with each why cant everyone just realize that and leave me alone??I dont take them alot of places by myself because its to hard to cut myself in 2 trying to hold them both and take care of them both when they are whining and because i get tired of everyone looking at me like im a bad mom. I try so hard to be a good mom and give them both all the things i never had and some days it would just be nice to be appreciated and hear someone say, Hey Your a Good Mom and have them mean it. All i have done for hours now is cry over every little thing because i cant seem to pull myself up out of the depression that has hit me today and i cant stop thinking of all the things im constantly told i do wrong or i need to do different when i think im a good mom and im doing the best i can with the circumstances that have been dealt.BLAH sorry for this long crappy post but i needed to vent somewhere and since i dont have anyone to talk to this is where i put all the emotion nobody cares to listen to. Sigh im gonna log off now before everyone that does read my blog stops because they dont want to read this kind of crap.You all want to know how Audrianna is doing and hear happy thoughts so here it is...she is doing great after a rough start for school today the day went well...just to let ya all know:)


  1. I think you are a courageous and AMAZING mom, Angela. I recently came across your blog and you are doing the absolute best that can for both of your girls. Especially when dealing with such emotions of the possibilities of terminal cancer.

    I also have a 2 and 4 year old (girl and boy) and I am a stay at home mom. Even I have rough days when it comes to who gets my attention :( I am sending you hugs and calmness this evening. You are a great mother, Angela. Never let some ones comment bring you down or discourage you.

    Angela in Edmonton Alberta, Canada

  2. The courage, the strength you have is amazing. Children misbehave that is a FACT. Children fight for attention FACT, that doesn't make you a bad mother in any way. Others will always give their "opinions" on how you should raise your child(ren). In all reality NOONE in this world can say that they know what you are going through because they don't. You have managed to keep your head above water and do the best you can for your children. You are truly an amazing woman, never doubt yourself EVER, no matter what anyone says.

  3. Hi, I just found your blog through searching for info about Emily Donovan, your little girl's friend. This was the first post I have read of yours. It is so very easy for people to tell you what you are doing wrong. Especially when they are not in your shoes. They forget that god tells us not to judge. And especially when we have not walked a mile in their shoes! Do you best, that's all your children want and need and love them. Which you do. The fact that you worry, shows that!

    Hang in there, allow yourself to have a crappy are allowed to reach your limit too. Let it out, cry. but know that you are a wonderful mother, doing her best who LOVES her children.

  4. I think that you are doing what any parent with a sick child would do. My daughter has Ulcerative Colitis and while it is nothing compared to cancer, we have almost lost her several times because her hemoglobin got too low.

    She had a perfectly normal life until she was 7 years old and she almost bled to death...literally. She is 9 now and still suffers immensely.Do I spoil her? Heck yea I do.

    None of us know how long we are here for. I could die tomorrow but my daughter would say that I really cared for her and I took care of her and I made sure that she never went without.

    My daughter doesn't have any siblings so I can't relate to having two children but you never know what tomorrow brings and if that means that other people (who don't have a clue and probably couldn't walk in your shoes for 5 minutes) want to stare and fuss, let them do it...they will be judged from above when their time comes. God is the only judge and his opinion of you is all that matters. Just be proud that you are blessed to have both of your children, no matter what.

    God bless you and your little ones!