2nd day rd3 of chemo

Today i talked to Audrianna's doctor and he has decided to wait on scans until we do 4rounds of chemo.This means we come back to the hospital in 3 weeks and then her scans will be around dec 4th, i am trying very hard to be optimistic and think ok that means he thinks its working and thats why he wants to wait BUT the scared,terrified,cant breathe mom side of me is thinking omg does that mean he knows something i dont and he wants to wait so that it might start to work??? I know i shouldnt go there but it's so hard to sit here in this room and on this oncology floor and watch all the sick kids and see some of them pass away and not think like that....is so hard to be POSITIVE all the time but i still smile because Audrianna smiles and its what she needs from me.
I have decided no matter what happens she will have the best holiday season any kid has ever had. She is going to trick or treat for the first time in 3yrs. She is going to be HOME for Thanksgiving and spend time being thankfull with her Family no matter what....AND somehow,someway she will have THE BEST CHRISTMAS A KID COULD EVER EVER HAVE.Although i dont know how ill top last year since April Valvano and Her Husband Jamie gave her a trip to NYC!!!!!
I am going to start as of today trying really hard to push the fear to the back and work harder on saying SHE IS GOING TO WIN THIS FIGHT,SHE BEAT IT BEFORE SHE CAN BEAT IT AGAIN....and not let the what if's or the numbers get me down(i said try)
Audrianna is having a Great Day she had a great lunch from one of her wonderful FB Family Becky McCabe who sent her chinese food and her daddy,sissy,poppy, Nana and Poppa John all came to visit. So even though she is getting chemo and doesnt feel the best she is still smiling. Oh and she has one of her FAVORITE male nurses today also...gotta love Tom he keeps her smiling:)