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Friday, September 2, 2011

Chemo Plan and Life Plan

Thursday September 1st Audrianna and i went to see her Oncology Docs and talk about a plan of action for her relapse.While Audrianna played with the child life specialist i sat and talked to her doctor about what this relapse means for her since EVERY Parent of a child with Cancer and especially Neuroblastoma knows how bad it gets...Relapsed Neuroblastoma has NO KNOWN CURE AT THIS TIME...and may never have a known cure in her lifetime or mine-:( We have decided to use a Phase2 trial from Sloan Kettering which she can get at our hospital,the medicine she will get is Irinotecan and Temozolomide over a course of 5days then she gets 3 weeks off and goes back in. This will continue for 3 months of treatment before they do new scans to see if the tumor is gone or has stabilized. If the tumor has stabilized or is gone then we can continue this course of treatment because it has very small side effects, isnt anywhere near as toxic as anything else she has ever been given and will allow her to have QUALITY of Life. I also talked to her doctor about the fact that if the tumor didnt shrink or stablize or has metastisized into other lesions then we want to stop treatment and take her home and let her have QUALITY OF LIFE with her Sister and the rest of her friends and family until she is ready to go.
I know some people are going to give me a hard time about this and say im giving up and blah blah blah...but im not giving up, believe me the selfish MOM side of me SCREAMSSSSSSSS TRY EVERYTHING I DONT CARE IF IT MAKES HER SICK AS LONG AS SHE IS HERE....but then the sensible Mom side of me that has watched other kids suffer says...that isnt what she would want, Audrianna is a Vibrant little girl that loves life,she wouldnt want to spend what little time she has left strapped to a hospital bed throwing up and waiting to die so stop being selfish and thinking of yourself and do what would be best for her and give her Quality over Quantity of life. And the sensible Mom always wins because this isnt about me, its about HER. I sat and had a talk with Audrianna just me and her and asked i asked her if the doctors tell mommy that the cancer is too bad and nothing they can do is going to make you better and you are going to go be with god, would you want to keep fighting and try everything even if it makes you really sick and you have to stay in a hospital OR would you want to come home and be with Mom,Dad,Sissy,Nana,Poppa John,Granny,Poppy,Dustin,Bret,Lizz,Uncle Travis,Uncle Ed and all the other people that LOVE YOU until its time to go with god and she said...go home Mom,i dont want to be sick forever id rather play with my sister till i goto the Angel's......NOBODY SHOULD EVER HAVE TO HAVE THAT TALK WITH THERE CHILD AND GODDAMMIT MY CHILD IS 5YRS OLD going on 50 thanks to for all the people that would think to put me down for this decision,they should think before they speak because until you have Walked in the shoes of a cancer Mom/Dad dont you dare judge.
September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month...are you aware?? Did you know that 46 kids are diagnosed with cancer everyday and that 7 kids DIE each day?? Do You know that the GOLD RIBBON Is the symbol for pediatric Cancer?That only 3percent of all the money raised by the american cancer society goes to pediatric cancer?? Please if your reading this,please do something to bring awareness to pediatric cancer for the month of september and remember without our children there is no help another family be saved from hearing the words Your Child Has Cancer....Your Child has Relapsed....Your Child is going to DIE!!!!!!!!!!


  1. No judgement from me Angela , only hugs and lots of prayers. You know very well what Audrianna wants and this is something we need to keep in mind , it's about the kids and not about us.....

  2. I am so sorry that any child has to go through this pain and suffering. I could not imagine the agony you go through as her mother. I pray every night for a cure to these awful diseases. No child should have to decide if she wants to choose treatment and sickness over quality of life. Please know that I am praying for all of you.

  3. I am very sorry for all the pain you are going through. I pray every day for your little girl and all children with these awful diseases. I know what it is like, I lost my only child to cancer 2 years ago, yes he was an adult, but it was just as awful if not worse, he left behind 2 beautiful daughters,and one was only 6 yrs old. So I know what your are feeling. God bless you all.

  4. Angela,

    Iam sooooooooooo sorry for what you and your family are going through. I would never judge you for what you and audrianna decide. I think you are such a brave mommy for letting her decide what she wants. That truly shows how much you love her and care about her. I wish for anything that she could just be well and go back to being a normal child and never have to deal with the demon of cancer ever again. I pray everyday for her and ur family and I will keep on praying that she will be a miracle child and once again kick cancers butt. If you need anything at all please do not hesitate to ask. God bless you, audrianna, and your entire family!! <3 <3

  5. i so much admire you, i had a little boy who out of no where started having fits , he was 1year old, the fits paralysed him , , we waited so long for him, he was always going to be a vegetable ,but all i wanted was for him to live now all these years later i realise how selfish i was being , i was thinking of me , so please dont think anyone will ever put you down for this decision , you are putting audrianna first, lets pray , you will never need to make this choice

  6. No one ever has a right to judge you, you have been through hell and back for your kids and the message you send helps all kids with cancer, not just your own. I don't see a selfish bone in your body. You and Audrianna are in my prayers.

  7. Angela...there is nothing I can possibly say that will make this easier for you or Audrianna, much as I wish there was. Just know that I think of you both everyday and my heart breaks for you. As a mother who has lost a child, I understand how devastating that can be. For me it was very quick and my daughter was only a few days old. You've had Audrianna for 5 years, to lose her now...I have no words. So, I will pray everyday that this new treatment works, that finally she will be cancer free and can live the life she deserves.

  8. will pray for Audrianna and your family. Its diffcult road i know my son vinny went down the same road and my heart goes out for you and your family.The best advice that i can give you is enjoy every min block the rest of world out and focus on your little girl. Your choice to stop treatment would be one of the most selfless act that you can do as parent. When my son relasped we went through the same treatment that Audrianna going through the only difference we decide orally instead of IV so my son can be home with us to be where he was most happy at. if there anything i can do for you and your family let me know.