Audrianna made it through day one but she was in alot of pain once the chemo started of course the tummy pain was bad and since they upped her dose of Ironotecan now the belly pain is worse.She is now on 50mg of Ironotecan instead of 40mg which is the highest does because they are trying to get that tumor to shrink not just stay *stable* so of course she is getting dilaudid ever 2hrs,benadryl every 4hrs and zofran every 6hrs for nausea and belly cramping and tylenol for the headaches..............................................................................Wll let me tell you that my daughter gets downright EVIL whens he is on Dilaudid but its the only med she can take IV that doesnt give her an alergic reaction so i have to deal with the EVIL SATANIC CHILD that comes forth when she takes it....Last night she was Screaming at me and when i got upset and yelled at her a lil and told her to stop yelling at me or i was taking away her Ipad she said *Mom you cant yell at me when im mean to you in here because there are to many people who can hear you* grrr where do they learn these things??? Once i told her i was gonna spank her and right in front of the doctor she looked at me and said *Mom i have a platelet deficiency you cant spank me it will leave bruises* omg i didnt know whether to laugh or cry i mean she is 6yrs old, no 6yr old should know these things(but the kicker is she is right!)................................................................................
So after all that she tells me i need to put the recliner right next to her bed and hold her hand and sing to her(just what i want to do after she has been so mean i want to cry right?)But because im a good mom i move the chair over and sleep next to her holding her hand all night after i sing her to sleep and the whole time im thinking god i hate cancer, god i hate how it turns my perfectly sweet and loving child into this evil monster baby that i dont even recognize and that sometimes i hate myself because even though i know its not her fault and i know its not her really talking its the meds i still yell back at her because i cant help myself from reacting when she attacks me.
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